WHY DID THE CHICKENS CROSS THE ROAD?

Because the idiot truck driver lost part of his load and the chickens were scrambing for their lives, THAT'S WHY!

True news story, heard it on KSFO radio yesterday morning. Some delivery driver lost a crate of chickens on one of the smaller highways at 8 a.m. and the drivers were doing their best to avoid the future KFC dinners. O.K. a couple of chickens were injured, can't avoid that. Heck, if you fell off a turnip truck you'd be injured too.

Although there are some people who are so dumb they'd fall off a turnip truck just on principal.

But how that truck driver could miss losing a crate of chickens is one for the books----after hearing it on the news he'll never be able to hold his head up again.

Now if my Mom was there, she would have had them all herded up and not lose a one. But then that's my Mom.

This woman could charm the birds out of the trees and the fish out of the water----I mean for real---no brag, just fact.

You'd have to have seen it to believe it.

Years ago, my Mom bought this ratty looking faded St. Francis with the birds statue, she put it on an old tree stump that we had in the back yard and nailed an old small wooden tray to the stump and would put seed in the tray. The birds would come for miles around to eat and she'd be sitting on the old car bench seat on the back porch in the shade and watch them.

She got to know their routines, their habits and they got use to her being around and would feed while she was no more than 12 inches away weeding in the garden.

She also installed a bird fountain and filled it with fresh water every morning while the coffee was perking. And she'd come out at 4 p.m. every afternoon (unless it was raining) to put more fresh water for the "4 o'clock robin". It was this robin, he'd come by every afternoon, at 4 p.m. and squawk until she came out and put in fresh water.

One time she wasn't feeling well so I put the water out---but that didn't make the robin happy---he'd squawk and squawk until she finally came out in her robe and put more fresh water in the bird bath---THEN he'd take his bath and she'd say "You are such a dirty bird" and she'd be no more than 12 or 18 inches away from the bath while he bathed, he had no fear of her.

During the winter, the sparrows would use the bath to drink and bathe when the sun had warmed the water up a bit. But one day, the water had frozen solid in the bath because it was so cold the night before, now I'm talking a solid block of ice!

So Mom goes out and is trying to figure out how to get the block of ice out of the bird bath and just as she comes back with a garden trowel to pry it out, out of the blue comes a dive bombing sparrow ready to splash into the water and instead hits the ice and skids off into another direction like an Olympic ski jumper---Man saw that and said "I'll give that a 9.1"

Well the poor little guy and his buddies were hopping around the edge of the bird bath and pecking at the ice and scratching their little heads trying to figure out 'hard water' until Mom took pity on them and got the ice block out and put in fresh water, they were as happy as happy can be, all was right with the world thanks to her, the Great Mother Earth Goddess.

Another time Mom put out some bread crumbs in the bird feeder tray and one sparrow managed to get a nice large piece but it was a bit too heavy to fly with so it fluttered down to the garden sidewalk and started pecking at it. Along comes another sparrow and steals it away from the first but just hopping about 5 to 6 inches away, well the first sparrow comes along and steals it back but again just hopping only 5 - 6 inchs over to one side-----back and forth and back and forth these two birds were fighting over this tiny piece of dry bread.

What they didn't see, but Mom could, was sitting right behind them was the dog, Pepe. Now Pepe was a toy poodle all black with brown eye brows, paws and a brown muzzle, you could see what that dog was thinking and right at that moment, Pepe was intently watching the bickering between these two feathered antagonists as they snatched and moved the bit of bread crumb between them.

What they didn't realize is that their movements was bringing them closer and closer to the dog until the little guy just couldn't stand their bickering any more and went "Wooolf!" to which they dropped the bread crumb flew away and left Pepe with the spoils. Mom laughed so hard about that, that when I came home from work and was having dinner she regaled me with the whole exploit. Even I had a hard time trying to not snort water up my nose I was laughing so hard.

It was much better than gossiping on the neighbors and so much nicer. In time Mom began to regard the animal exploits and adventures as if it were events in the neighborhood and without all that angst as well. Like watching old "Honeymooners" or "I love Lucy" episodes every day.

When she set up the humming bird feeder on the back porch it added another dimension to her life, watching the hummingbirds coming around and feeding off of them and taking quick little snatches at the tiny, tiny fruit flies that it attracted as a bonus.

One day I was in the laundry room that led to the porch and Mom was sitting in the back Porch and I knew better than to come out while a hummingbird was feeding but through the screened window that was mounted on the back porch door, I could see Mom watching the hummingbirds at the feeder.

One of them flew right up to Mom no more than 6 inches from her face and just looking at her first with one eye then turning it's head and looking at her with the other eye, and just fluttering in one place the way hummingbirds can do, and Mom said to it "Oh you are just such a pretty, pretty bird. What a pretty bird you are." It quickly flew around her head and came back to the same place in front of her and she said "and so fast too, you are a pretty and very fast little bird" and with that the bird went back to the feeder for another quick fill up and took off.

The whole incident left me with my mouth open---it was like that little bird knew what my Mom was saying.

There is so much more, but right now I can't go on---I'm getting tears in my eyes just thinking about her and the amazing things she could do. It was no wonder animals, birds, and fish had no fear but complete trust in her. Even tiny little kiddies trusted her.

I'll finish this another time Folks, but who'd thought a crate full of chickens on a Highway could bring back such wonderful memories. I think I'm gonna get me a cuppa tea.

Mean Kitty curling up in a chair with a cuppa tea and just reminising, signing off.