Well Dang It All !!!

Just last week as I was gettin’ ready to snuggle down and watch “Smackdown” (featuring my favorite wrestler The Undertaker), the blinking bedroom T.V. goes fritz!! And I mean FITZ!!

I cannot sit up in my chair to watch T.V. right now because of my dagnabit Knee paining me, I’m suppose to have it elevated and fairly straight to rest it to give it as much healing as possible, so’s that’s got to mean I’ve got to sit up in bed and rest the knee.

So here I am---all nice an’ comfy, I’m watching The Undertaker come on down the ramp, smoke is swirling all around him, the Funeral music played on some sort of majestic pipe organ swelling and rumbling, the crowd going wild, Taker himself totally focused on the match looking like “Hell has come to your half-acre” ---ooohhhhh that gets me all tingly thinking about it (I ain’t dead yet Folks).

The Taker walks up the steps to the Ring, he raises his hands just so as the blue lights dim and brings up the white lights and everyone is yelling and then “Kablooey!!!!” the screen goes dark, nuthin’---deader than a run over raccoon. (and I’ve seen some dead raccoons).

I’m sitting there with my mouth frozen open---finally a croak comes out of my mouth--- “Hoooooonnnnnneeeeeyyyyyyyy” I whine-----My Hunka, Hunka Burnin’ Love comes into the room “You Whined?” he asks.

Well of course I whined I says, “the T.V. went Kablooey!” “Define Kablooey” Says he all straight faced----Now I’m thinking about getting my 9mm but I decides that since my knee is still given me hissy-fits I think better about that.

So I tell him how the picture just disappeared, poof! Faster than Copperfield made the Statue of Library disappear. So Hunka goes over to the T.V. and he hears faintly the sounds of the wrestling match. “HHHmmmmmmmmm” says he.

“Well” Says I.

“Sweet Cheeks, how long ago did we get this T.V.?” And I’m thinking “back in ’88. OOooohhhhh” the light bulb went on. “The picture Tube died, is that it?” “Yep” says he, “Time for a new T.V.!” He says with glee.

So I says to him “Ahhh, Honey Buns, where is the moola to pay for a new T.V.?”

“Weeellllllll, I’ve been saving money up from all those aluminum cans that we’ve been recycling (recycling is a good thing), and I’ve got about $400.00 (that’s a lot of cans) if we don’t go overboard”

“Well” says I, “there is no need to go overboard, we’re not into those 50 inch flat plasma screens anyway, so we can be frugal---as long as it works”

So the next day it’s high-ho off to Wally World, and we are looking at the TV’s and I do have to confess---those 50 inch flat plasma screen TV’s do suck you right into the picture, but we were strong, we stuck to our goals and found------- TA-DA! A 27 inch digital RCA T.V. for $248.00, closer to $275 with Tax, and we got a nice young feller’ to load it into the SUV (O.K. it uses a lot of gas, but I don’t want to be in those little tin cans---you get into an accident in one of those and it’s ‘good by Charlie’).

Now I’m thinking, with Hunka’s heart problem and my knee problem how are we going to get the T.V. into the house----well that problem solved itself thanks to Frank.

O.K. who is Frank? Frank is a little pug dog, looks like the Frank from the “Men in Black” movie and he’s the newest addition to our neighbors the Bertillini’s house hold, Frank is really their daughter’s pet, but Daddy Bertillini is walking the lovable mug, so he sees us and I says “Hey there Tony! Want a Beer?” “Yeah sure, ahhhh but what do I have to do for it?” (He ain’t dumb) “Help my Hunka move a T.V. into the house” “Sure” says he. (He’s easy; he’ll do anything for a beer)

So between the two of them with Tony doin’ the heavy work the T.V. is in and installed.

So I get the two a beer each and Frank has a spoonful (Warning: Do not give your dog no more than a spoonful of Beer----anything more causes painful headaches and Dogs don’t know any better)

Tony tells us the tale of his Woes with his X-Wife (and she’s a piece of work, ever since I caught her cheating on him ---3 times with 3 different men!!! I didn’t tell Tony at first ‘cause I didn’t want to ‘cause trouble, but when he caught her himself with man # 4, I informed him it wasn’t the first time, of course I explained to him why I held off telling him and he understood---so I offered to be a witness for him when he filed for divorce, and because 2 of the guys she was with were drug users is the reason why she can only have supervised visits with the kids---and a very limited spouse support for only 2 years).

Thank Gawd he’s got a good lawyer, who knows how to twist her nose, seems she’s complaining that she wants more support, but the lawyer can prove that she is earning more than enough to pay for her needs, and has requested a court ordered drug test, which she refused to take, so the judge says that if she is earning enough according to the proof provided, her request is denied and that she still has to take the drug test.

So now the ex is laying low.

So with the beer gone, the tale of woe told, and Frank all nice and cuddly in my lap, it’s time for Tony and Frank the dog to leave and go home and have supper, Tony’s Mom is one mean cook, she’d make Rachel Ray’s head spin.

My Man and I go into the house, and we stretch out on the bed and watch “Cops” on our new T.V. Dang but the picture quality is good as I yell “Loose the hounds!!!” when the cops go after a bad guy.

My Man just looks at me, sighs and says “You are blood-thirsty tonight, Sweet Cheeks.”

“Well Dang”, says I, “I missed seeing The Undertaker last night and you know that always puts me in a bad mood” I tell him as my attention goes back to the T.V. program----“Loose the hounds!!!” I yell again.

Ahhhhh life is somewhat back to normal in Mean Kitty’s house.