O.K. I am now in an intensive 3 week computer training course because my business is finally upgrading EVERYTHING!!! Looking at a computer screen for 8 hours a day is pushing my eye strain and giving me head aches!
I need an economy size bottle of asprin and Tums. I'm stressed because of this and worring over my Man's heart condition (he had two brief pains in his chest today) and we are still waiting for the O.K. for the pacemaker and we've got the SSD hearing and then on top of that my eye doctor wants me to come in for an eye exam the day before the hearing.
I'm not in control of my life!!! Everyone else is pushing me around---O.K. an eye appointment is important even I know that--but I still feel that I'm being pushed around.
And on top of that not only am I stressed but I'm depressed--O.K. they say you can't have it both ways but damn it I had a birthday today and nobody but nobody remembered, even my Man. Oh yeah they remembered my fellow co-worker, somebody gave her flowers and somebody else left her a nice small birthday cake. But me--just pushed aside, old trash, like an old dog or cat that is no longer cute or cuddly, but still does the job even when negelted, hoping for a pat on the head, something to acknowledged one'self but it never comes but you keep hoping.
Hell I don't even treat my dog that way, she always get acknowledged and pets and rubbies, and little treats and I talk baby talk to her and gentle huggies, as well as clean water, walkies and good healthy food and tugs of war and catch and fun things until we're both tired.
Of course my Man had his chest/heart worries, and when he asked me why I was down, I told him--of course he felt like Krap--and I felt like Krap telling him, I didn't want him to have a guilt trip--but he did ask and it's better to tell the truth. And no money to even plan on an little treat, no even going out to a nice dinner.
****sigh****I feel like I'm giving and giving and giving but nothing is coming back in return.
****sob and sniffles*** I'm going to bed, I feel too miserable to watch even Jay Leno. I'm just too wrung out.
On the Prowl
